Archive for the 'ailments' Category

Why udder cream didn’t work

For those of you who have suffered my tales of back woe on Twitter (and for my mum, who can somehow find her way onto my blog but not to an email inbox) I thought you might be mildly interested to see these pictures.

I’ve seen several doctors and physios over the past couple of years after I picked up a handbag and something cracked in my shoulder, leaving me unable to do anything but lie on the floor.

Since then I have tried bathing in emu fat (apparently an aboriginal remedy for painful joints and muscles), while the very lovely DiggerEd sent me some of this stuff to see if the liniment in it helped ease the pain:

Udder cream

It seemed agricultural solutions didn’t rectify the problem, so I finally took myself to an osteopath last week, who x-rayed my back. Here are the results:

Dodgy neck

On the left, the way a normal person’s neck should look. On the right, my mangled, wonky neck, which is apparently reminiscent of a 50-year-old’s.

And it gets worse. Apparently I have a curved spine too. Check this out:

Dodgy spine
Snazzy, hey? Mr Geography reckons it’s down to dodgy genetics, but I’m blaming it on slaving away over a hot laptop at FW Towers. I’ve already got a list of what I want to achieve from my extended Nuffield travels, but now I can add back pain relief to it. Roll on leaving my desk behind…

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I still think I deserve a sticker…

What’s that? How am I feeling?

Well, thanks for asking, imaginary concerned blog-readers. I actually feel a bit achy tonight. It must be the typhoid.

Today’s been a bit odd, I have to admit. It started with trying to propel a cat off an spinney office chair, dropping my coat in a giant muddy puddle and missing the train to FW Towers.

Things got progressively worse when I then got trapped on the next train for an hour, got shouted at by an angry doctors’ surgery receptionist and then somehow managed to wipe everything from my beloved new iPhone, just by trying to load a Regina Spektor album onto it (that must’ve been the music gods punishing me for my tastes…).

By the time I eventually got to the doctors’ surgery tonight to have my vaccinations for travelling to India, I was quaking about what else could happen to me and just how many injections I would need.

As it turns out, I only had to have typhoid and hepatitis germs jabbed into me. Despite only needing those two, I still wanted to do this when the nurse rammed her giant needle into my arm…

little_girl_crying

But I was dead brave and held back the tears. I asked the nurse for a sticker to say I was a good girl for not crying, but she seemed to think I was joking…

Anyway, nursey reckoned those were the only jabs I needed for going to Delhi and Bombay, so fingers crossed this surgery waiting room is the worst place I’m going to have to visit as part of my Nuffield scholarship.

surgery

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Health tips from cows

So, did you spend your Friday afternoon being massaged with horse cream by a man with a tiny beard and an American accent as good as Matthew Naylor’s? You did? Why what a coincidence – me too.

It may not have been the most conventional of physio sessions, but it turns out that the same liniment used on ponies, when mashed vigorously into your back and shoulders, is bloomin’ great for sore muscles.

Admittedly I was slightly concerned by Mr Physio’s technique, but after checking out his methods with my farming chums on Twitter, it seems I’ve been the only one foolishly missing out on this wonder cure. Apparently though, it’s not just the horsey stuff that’s good – I should be going for the stuff that dairy farmers rub on sore cow udders.

The very wonderful DiggerEd (my new hero) is popping some in the post for me so I can give it a whirl next week. So I’m just letting you all know now – yes, it’ll be me that’s making Farmers Weekly Towers smell minty-fresh, and no, I don’t have mastitis.

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